Literally adorable, with @kevilovesyou. #stolenpix (Taken with instagram)
Can’t decide if this is the saddest or most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen. BED TIME ESSENTIALS.
APPLYING FOR GROWN-UP JOBS
Just added “Extensive knowledge of Beyonce’s personal life” under ‘special skills’ on my resume - everyone please pray I can afford to eat, next month.
CALL IT EVEN?
Last night I met the biggest asshole on the earth, and 3 of the most respectable and kind men alive.
Humanity is confusing.
HEY READ THIS COOL EMAIL A FAMILY MEMBER SENT TO MY GRANDMOTHER ABOUT ME. ROTFL, KILL MYSELF
“Being a liberal, I am all for my paying higher taxes for community colleges. They are essential to provide opportunity and a shot (not any more than an unlikely shot) at the American dream for blacks, poor, immigrants and first generation college kids. I want so much more for your granddaughters than stability and a struggling lower middle class life in an eternal sea of debt. I want them, if any of them so wishes to leave their world, to share My World (which I enjoy even more than others in My World as I remember the struggles after 1961). I want their hormones to attach to future doctors, lawyers, and Indian chiefs—the great majority of whom—though I know not all —-will be in name, expensive universities. They are pretty girls who will attract the notice of future professionals even if their math skills are not so great. If only one finds her way out of the middle class into the upper middle class, she may be able to help the others after I am gone. Yes, I am an elitist snob. Deal with it. We are in a competitive world unlike anything we knew in our day with smart Asians, etc. Almost everything in our experience is totally irrelevant to the girls today. Love, Karen”
boycott bleeding cowboys →
Can we stop our anger at comic sans for a moment and redirect it towards a much worse font?
I think Papyrus is by far the worst, then followed by Curlz MT, then followed by Comic Sans
It is always AMAZEBALLS when I see business with Curlz MT signs in their windows
I’d rather not give my business to a kindergartener in 1997, thanks.
EVERYONE STOP
BLEEDING
COWBOYS
(Source: sassygaybuchanan, via thechocolatebrigade)
HIGH AS FUCK RIGHT NOW, GUYS
[Flash 10 is required to watch video]
BODY COMFORTABLE
I reflect on the issue of being comfortable in one’s own skin.
Still funny.
ALL THINGS IN MODERATION? OR? JUST SOME?
Can’t decide if everything is serious, or nothing is serious.
Can’t decide if I love everyone or no one.
Gonna go watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey and cry until 10:30 tomorrow morning. rotfl
MY BAD
.
POST MAKE-OUT
Me: (touching his face)
Him: Oh, okay, well your hands are super dry. They are like, chaffing.
Me: I mean, yeah, I'm like sorry about that. Just write it into your stand-up, okay?
This is a better reaction than "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TOUCHING MY FACE?" which is probably what I would have yelled.
NOT WEIRD
Just left this Denny’s review:
“I walked through the door and was immediately struck by the beautiful architecture of this restaurant, and the welcoming smell, provoking images of a Sunday morning breakfast on a table made of rainbows in 1955. Cassandra, the manager, greeted me with a smile comparable only to that of a majestic unicorn, welcoming me through the gates of heaven. It only got better from there. My server, Jarred W, was the single most attractive man I’ve ever seen. His attentiveness to the table inspired me on a deeply emotional level, to be the best possible version of myself - I’ll probably stop doing so much meth because of him. The little angel blessings more commonly referred to as ‘pancakes’ and ‘4 sides of bacon’ arrived quickly, and tasted as though the lord jesus had just tongue kissed me. Too far? Listen, out of five stars, I give this experience 9…which is more than the maximum amount of stars I allowed myself in that analogy. I love this restaurant!”
I don’t know why I can’t just let people on Facebook live their lives.
Tonight I told a customer that I was crying in the bathroom because we were out of paper towels. HAHA she fell for it, I am a genius.
